From Crucial Conversations.
Unfortunately, as we grow older, most of us don’t realize that this desire to win is continually driving us away from healthy dialogue. We start out with the goal of resolving a problem, but as soon as someone raises the red flag of inaccuracy or challenges our correctness, we switch purposes in a heartbeat (Focus on that you really want). First we correct the facts. We quibble over details and point out flaws in the other person’s arguments.