From Crucial Conversations.
If strong emotions are keeping you stuck in silence or violence, try this.
- Retrace Your Path
- Notice your behavior.
If you find yourself moving away from dialogue, ask yourself what you’re really doing. • Am I in some form of silence or violence?
Get in touch with your feelings. Learn to accurately identify the emotions behind your story. • What emotions are encouraging me to act this way?
Analyze your stories. Question your conclusions and look for other possible explanations behind your story. • What story is creating these emotions?
Get back to the facts. Abandon your absolute certainty by distinguishing between hard facts and your invented story. • What evidence do I have to support this story?
Watch for clever stories. Victim, Villain, and Helpless Stories sit at the top of the list.
Tell the Rest of the Story.
Ask: • Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem? • Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this? • What do I really want? • What would I do right now if I really wanted these results?